Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
