what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
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Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
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He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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