NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
