3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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