I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
