Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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