Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
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I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
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she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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