I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."