Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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