took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
