I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
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He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
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Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."