Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
