We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
