ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
