Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he thought i was a dude.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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