I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
