It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
