so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
