His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
