I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
