I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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