I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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