Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
