He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
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if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!