i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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