My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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