Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
