Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
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30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize