some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
