Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
