I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
