I just cut my nipple shaving
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
