Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
