is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
