FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
