i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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