epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You ruined the universe
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
