I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
