She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
