We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
