If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
