I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
