Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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