I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
