Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
