Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
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My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
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PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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