Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
