I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's official drugs can't kill me
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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