after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
