Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
