Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
