I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
