A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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