please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
