So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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