happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
