I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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