Betty ford says i'm here all night
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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