Yo dont text me then not text me
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
