Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
