when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
