And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Is Oprah even human
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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