Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Soap is not a condiment
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
